This will be the sixth General Election in which I have stood as candidate in Sittingbourne & Sheppey, which is more than any of the other candidates and hence consider myself to be the “Father of the General Election”. As the most senior figure I am setting an example to the others.
- Free canned laughter for all folk from the jovial to the grave.
- Legalise mixed metaphors then we will lead the world in having the oyster at our feet.
- To improve pedestrian access to the West Country we will be buying a Stairway to Devon.
It’s election time, so once again it’s time to remind the voters that a vote for the OFFICIAL Monster Raving Loony Party, is no longer seen as a wasted vote as ‘The Only Wasted vote is one that isn’t used’
Surrey Comet story
Nicholas Robert Blunderbuss Green is standing for Kenilworth & Southam and is looking for a comfy seat in ‘The House’.
“If I get more that 499 votes I promise to run through the streets of the constituency naked.” If I don’t keep my promise I’d rather be ‘Dead in a Ditch’
This is the third time The Mid Beds Minx has contested the Mid Beds seat. She is rather concerned, as people seemed to be taking her seriously as she goes around the campaign trail. The Minx’s main aim, as in the previous elections, is to thoroughly annoy the party with the majority in the area. As in other elections, it seems to be working.
Everywhere she goes, she is told “You are the only sensible party out
there.” However, The Minx is pleased that this Tory heartland seems to be turning Loony. Resistance is futile.
What Ho! The Iconic Arty-Pole is the elected chairman of his local council and is standing for Louth and Horncastle for the third time.
Seen here with protector of dodo’s Baron Von Thunderclap (Mid Sussex) and a zombie formerly known as Chinners (Kingston and Surbiton)
As an ex member of the Teenage Party circa 63/64 his natural home is the Loony Party but has only been able to get actively involved in the last few years. Main interests include covert all trains to run on clockwork, this has proved successful in model trials. Selling socks in threes. Getting arts council support for Kazoo players as we hold a word record, and reducing the cost of making the 99p to under a pound.
- Islington MP’s will be coached in ‘Arsenalisation’ and be compelled to house Gunnersaurus Rex during the off-season at their parliamentary chambers.
- Highbury Square will be re-developed into an intergalactic space port.
- The Official Monster Raving Loony Party will create one thousand trillion (£1000,000,000,000,000) pounds of new money through quantitative easing and give everyone free internet, housing and restaurant bills, for ever. Why vote for anyone else when you are guaranteed free lunch for all time with the the Incredible Flying Brick.
- Return the British currency to pounds, shillings, pence, farthings and groats, with rural parts of London such as Hackney returning to trade in shiny beads.
- All the UK remaining gold reserves will be placed on the last race at the Epsom Derby in a bid to cancel the national debt.
Lord Buckethead is representing the Official Monster Raving Loony Party in the 2019 General Election, he will be standing against the current PM Boris Johnson in Uxbridge & South Ruislip.
The Lord Buckethead is the arch villain in the Gremloids Hyperspace films and reincarnations have stood against Prime Ministers in three previous General Elections. Margaret Thatcher at Finchley in 1987, John Major at Huntingdon in 1992 and Theresa May at Maidenhead in 2017. Lord Buckethead also stood against Loony Leaders, David Sutch in 1987 and Alan Hope in 2017.
Lord Buckethead has joined the Loony Party, in this historic year, when it celebrates its tenth consecutive General Election and its leader “Howling Laud” Hope became the longest serving political party leader in Great Britain for over 100 years. Lord Buckethead said ominously “The Loonys are a natural fit for me as we are in a Coalition of Chaos and the Loony Party seem to be talking the most sense.”
Question came up on Eggheads this week “Which of these three candidates stood against Theresa May in the 2017 General Election at Maidenhead”. The three options were Lord Buckethead, Mr Fish Finger and Baron Badger.
The Eggheads struggled but eventually correctly answered ‘Lord Buckethead’.
Lord Buckethead speaking from another space and time says:
“As one terrestrial channel denies me the platform I deserve during ITV Debate, another makes me the answer to a question on Eggheads TV. When will these feeble humans learn that I, Lord Buckethead, am the answer to ALL questions?”