The Loony Party can confirm that we will be standing at the TOOTING By-election, on Thurs 16th June. Our candidate and leader Alan “Howling Laud” Hope is your candidate.
The election has been brought about by the previous M.P Mr Sadiq Khan getting a better job, although we can’t imagine what could be better than representing the people of Tooting.
A message from our leader to the people of Tooting
“After we nearly disassembled the Welsh Assembly on May 5th Our next foray into the Political World will be the TOOTING By-election, on Thurs 16th June. I shall be the candidate and the very dependable ‘Nick the Flying Brick’ will be my agent. Coincidently this happens to be my birthday and the anniversary of our dearly departed leader, Screaming Lord Sutch 17 yrs ago. So c’mon TOOTING give us something to smile about in his memory, the saving of our deposit would be a fine thing, if not better than that. Remember Citizen Smith, he would have voted for us, would probably have been the candidate, he would have won. So why not us, you know it makes sense!”
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
Report from South West Central
Our leader arrived in Cardiff on Sunday May1st, making our party known was not too hard, everybody was looking forward to us being there. On Tues 3rd he met up with our local loony supporter Paul Campbell, Paul had arranged for a Loony Victory Party to be held in Mischiefs Wine and Entertainment bar in Cardiff for the Wed evening.
On Wed he met with the Gower Loonies from West Wales, Baron Von Claptrap and Pete D’Lune, by now Lawd Lawson and O B Joyful had arrived from Hampshire, so a great afternoon was had by all.
A fine evening it was too, Paul being the main entertainer doing his Elvis impersonation which he is well known for in South Wales, and also his Captain Madness act with his Ska – Reggae – Two Tone variations. Surprise guest was Mr Badaxe himself who had travelled down from Nottingham just to go home again afterwards. And surprise, surprise he wasn’t banned like he is most places, his bawdy songs fell on appreciative ears. By now Baron Von Thunderclap and Stormin’ Norman had arrived from Sussex, Hugo Shovit and Von Magpie Bum from Newport, South East Wales and Arty Pole from Lincolnshire. Along with the locals we had a great time, thanks to Shaun and his manager David. On the day of the count, The Good Knight Sir Nos Da arrived from Birmingham and Toy Davies from Blackpool. We had a pretty good turn out being as we were standing in all five regional seats!
Well we didn’t win, but we got 1096 votes, came 9th from 13, beat the TUSC, Independent, Communist, and Freedom of choice party’s. The count was forecast to be declared by 4.30 – 5am, and yet it was not over till 11.00am, what a long night.
Well done to all in the South Wales Central ward for voting for us, and hard luck to those that didn’t, your fault when it all goes wrong, you’ll see!!!
The Howling ‘Laud’.
General synopsis of the Welsh Assembly Thursday 5th May 2016.
South Wales Central 1096 votes (0.5%), 9th from 13 beating the TUSC, Independent, Communist and Freedom of Choice party’s.
South Wales East 1115 votes (0.6%), 8th from 11 beating the TUSC, Welsh Communist and National Front.
South Wales West 1106 votes (0.7%), 8th from 10 beating the TUSC and Welsh Communist.
Wales Mid and West 1071 votes (0.5%), 10th from 12 beating the Local Independent and Welsh Communist.
Wales North 1355 votes (0.7%), 9th from 11 beating the Independent and Welsh Communist.
Jolly well done to all that took part, 5743 votes in all, wonderful result for us not coming last anywhere.
Howling ‘Laud’ Hope
Now is your chance to
KICK THE POLITICIANS , WHERE IT HURTS
IN THE BALLOT BOX
Are you fed up with all the political dogma and in fighting of the other parties
Do you normally not bother to vote as “they are all the same”
NOW is YOUR chance to change the poltical landscape of Wales
If you don’t Usually vote…Vote Unusually
Vote: The Official Monster Raving Loony Party
Show the others parties that you do care, just not about them
You have an alternative..
Remember the only vote that is wasted is one that isn’t used…
- We will feed the Welsh dragon as its looking a bit thin due to government cuts
- We will try to find a breeding pair of dragons as the Welsh Dragon is an endangered species.
- We will Report the Welsh dragon to the monopolies commission (there is only One)
- In the Interests of national security we will ban all Leeks from the Welsh Assembly canteen
- To save money we will reduce the Welsh assembly from 60 seats to 5 and create the Welsh Ensemble .
- Man versus horse and Bog snorkling to be an Olympic sport.
- We will create massive factories in South Wales manufacturing Bird nests and noodles and then flood china with them… well they did it to our steel,
- We will Legalise Broccoli
- We will give the Letter K a sound
- We will have different Coloured Dragons on the Welsh Flag.
- Anyone over 5 years old who can hold a crayon will be eligible to vote.
- We will Introduce Mermaids to Tiger Bay to increase tourism.
- We will make Swansea Airport the Hub of the Welsh Space Program.
- We promise that should we be elected we will not initiate any of our policies.