The Official Monster Raving Loony Party">

The OMRLP would not only provide benefits with a cap, but also a scarf, and
possibly gloves. (thanks to Dan for this policy)

The Loony Party are advising the British Board of Film Classification the that the new film “The Iron Lady” starring Meryl Streep which is about the Life of Margaret Thatcher, should be made a definate P.G rating.
It is definately not suitable for miners.

A Message from our Leader:
Soon comes round don’it,how many times do you hear that,not this time
your reading it,if you are one of our Exalted Loonies that is !
2011 started with quick flurry into what we are good at,a By-election in
January,everybody involved had a good start to the year.

Our candidate Nick ‘The Flying Brick’ put up a grand performance,didn’t come last,it has always fascinated me what goes though somebodys thoughts when they are standing for a good cause in their mind only to be beaten by a LOONY !
Sadly to say i couldn’t be there myself cause i was in Malta,but kept an eye
on news and media.
Soon made up for my absence though,come February another By-election
was called in Barnsley, off we all went, Badges, Rosettes and all,we got the
same amount of votes that the Lib-dems lost their deposit by,wonder what
went through their mind ! I must say that Nigel Farrage took it all in his stride
(or at least appeared to) we and he had a couple of swift snifters at the bar
and all once again was good fun.
March was sad month, towards the end,I attended the Funeral of one of our
favourites Jet Harris. Jet was the orginal bass guitarist of the Shadows,we
had done some things in Devon,Lord Sutch and I, on many occasions,even
attended the same wedding at one time.So long Jet (Besame Mucho).
No rest for the wicked Loonies,they must love us really,cause another By-
election was called in Leicester in May,so,off we went again,Top Hats,
Maifesto’s and all.553 votes,astounding Looniness was at hand. Keith Vass
the Labour MP called all his Labour candidates to one room so that we
could all introduce ourselves and give them an insight to what we are about,
all went well,big round of applause,but guess what,they still won !
June saw me in Wales officiating at the ‘Man verses Horse’ race,an event
that Lord Sutch did for a good few years.There was also a ‘Loony Music Fest’
which I stayed on to compere,good acts,well done Chris Rogers.
August up to Manchester to Officiate the ‘Northenden Boat Race’ all got wet
except me of course,I’m not that Loony,I only pretend to be ! Four days of
excellent Northern hospitality,Manchester style.
September,CONFERENCE,nothing really ever go’es wrong that cant be fixed.
Many thanks to all that came along and enjoyed the occasions that presented
themselves.Nothing much is ever planned,it just happens.
October saw another sad day,Jon Derek,long time friend of mine passed away
Jon was also a long time member,the self acclaimed ‘High Sheriff of Golcar’
He was also a very prolific Country Music stylist.
November attended the birthday celebration party for ‘Lord Sutch’ held in the
local Conservative Club would you believe,he would have been 71,along with
Toby Jug,Julie,William Musyk,Graham Sharpe,visited his place of burial in the
afternoon.A grand evening was had by all thanks to Toby And Julie and the
organisers.
Which now brings us up to Christmas,may you all have Merry Christmas and
a very Happy New Year
Yes,the New Year,2012,come this May time there will be local elections in your area,we need as many of you as possible to stand,it may be Town,District or County but you can stand,it dos’nt cost a penny,its all free.Just follow a few
guide lines and you will be able to join ‘The Flying Brick’ ‘Mad Mike Young’ and
‘Howling Laud Hope’ on your respective councils.We did,we made it and so have many more in the past,this year its ‘YOUR’ turn,go on, you know it makes sense.
You wont get laughed at if you dont make it ask Mark Beech,he stood and only
got one vote,thats what you call heroism.
Its been mentioned that this coming years conference could be held in Blackpool , nothing definate yet,but,we need to know your thoughts on this.
Watch out for the ‘Lord Mayor of London’ election their (could be) a Loony Party winner,’Crucial Chris Dowling’ is our man.
Have a Merry and Happy time but leave space for Loonism.
Howling Laud Hope
Party Leader.

EVERYONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION AND READ: HOW THE GREEK & ITALIAN BAILOUT WILL WORK IN VERY SIMPLE TERMS:

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village.

The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks and food bill at the taverna.

The taverna owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works!!

Our thoughts are with The Jersey Flyer our intrepid member from “Jersey”who has recently had an operation. Get well soon Jersey

Lord Sutch is 71 years old today. Well it was yesterday actually. Happy Birthday David.

R.I.P

UK Tax Guidance plan with respect to the British Tax Economic Stimulus Payment.
During our research we spoke to a Treasury spokesman:

Q. Sometime this year, we, the British taxpayers, will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment..
What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?
A.  It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A.  From taxpayers.
Q.  So the government is giving us back our own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q.. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

We spoke to a Trade and Industry spokesperson:

Q. If we spend our stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, where will the money go?
A. The money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka …

Q. If we spend our stimulus money on petrol, where will the money go?
A. The money will go to the Arabs.

Q. If you purchase a computer, where will the money go?
A. It will go to India , Taiwan or China …

Q  If you purchase fruit and vegetables, where will the money go?
A.It will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ….

Q. If you buy an efficient car, where will the money go?
A. It will go to Japan or Korea ….

Q. If you purchase useless stuff, where will the money go?
A. It will go to Taiwan …

Q. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, where will the money go?
A. It will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

LOONY PARTY CONCLUSION
We Should keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales,
or
2) Going to night clubs,
or
3) Spending it on prostitutes,
or
4) Buying beer or whisky,
or
5) Get yourself a Tattoo
or
6) Visit a bookie.
(These are the only UK owned domestic businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion:
Be patriotic – go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,Dunny On The Wold,(MP),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Here is a link to the latest edition of Loony Times, with some startling revelations about the Loony Party, The London Mayor and Alan Howlin Laud Hope.
The is essential, nay compulsory reading..

The Loony Times

It is with great regret we have to announce the passing of Jon Derek.

Jon was a big contributor to Country music in the U.K.

A friend of Alan Hope and a member of the Loony Party. We send our condolances to all freinds family and anyone who knew him.

A great loss to the music world. r.i.p