The Official Monster Raving Loony Party

So Theresa May sprung a General Election on us and there we all were thinking that it wouldn’t be until 2020, so much for fixed parliaments! Well it meant that I wasn’t able to stand cus I hadn’t got any money saved for my deposit, I thought I had 3 more years! Ah well . . .
But then Nick the Brick called suggesting I stand, but not in Hackney North, were I live, but in Islington North, against Jeremy Corbyn. “Think of the glory,” he said, “you must do it for your country!”
So I started campaigning on Facebook, managed to get my nomination forms signed – one afternoon in a pub I know – and came up with a few ideas for my personal manifesto. And that’s all I did. Except for a very brief, pre-recorded, interview which went out on Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 show.
I didn’t spend any time pounding the streets in loony gear handing out flyers and I didn’t talk to as many people as I could in as many pubs as I could visit, I didn’t do any of things  I’ve done when I’ve stood in previous elections.
I did find time to organise a Victory Party though. And by June 8th I’d even printed a few copies of my Manifesto. The response on Facebook was fantastic and my band The Big Faux Fibbers packed out The Liquor Works on Holloway Rd and we all had a great time. We even had the ‘Comedy Terrorist’ Aaron Barschak turn up in support.
We were expecting security to be tight at The Sobell Sports Center but it didn’t take long to get in. And then the long wait. We wandered around, chatted to everyone there.
Nick the Brick had decided I needed some training and when we heard that J.C. was on his way he insisted that I stood by the entrance to greet him – which I did. As Jeremy walked into the hall he was surrounded by mass of photographers, a real media scrum!
Half an hour later the results were announced  and there I was on stage right behind Jeremy Corbyn as he was giving his winners speech.
I polled 106 votes and came 7th out of 10 which was thoroughly pleasing. And the response since then has been great. Loads of photos and TV of me behind Jeremy –
beamed all over the world via Facebook – see https://www.facebook.com/nigel.knapp.52, and I even have a photo with speech bubble in Private Eye!
Yes it was all very good – would I do it again? Well maybe – but certainly not in the next 6 months. Which is maybe looking likely ARGH!

Knigel Knapp – Knight of the unKnown. MRLP Minister for Blatant Lies and Big Fibs

Myself and 12 others stood along side each other to contest this seat, and one other, was none other, than Theresa May our current Prime Minister. I had spent a couple of days campaigning in the area whilst getting my nomination papers signed, thanks to Emma Theron ‘The Barmy Baroness of Berkshire’ and all her friends in Wargrave, a great help they were too. Its good to have party members on hand when you need them.
Being on the Daily Politics show with Andrew Neale gave us some good exposure, letting people know that we were taking part in this election.
Moved into Maidenhead on Sun 4th June to take up residence in the Thames Riviera Hotel until it was all over.
Maidenhead wasn’t the kind of town I thought it would be, at least not canvassing wise, a high profile Parliamentary Election like this, and only I and the Green Party were seen on the streets according to the locals.
Wednesday I had more support arrive, Lawd Lawson, and O B Joyful arrived, staying in same hotel. We very quickly decorated their big 4×4, and took to the streets much to the glee of people around town, with the Loud Hailer. To rounds of applause and shouts of “well done” we are voting for you. Well, 119 kept their word.
Thursday two more counting guests arrived Patric Downes  ghosting writing, my Autobiography (sounds spooky I know),’ and Derrill carr, as a link man between the Election and our local paper, plus a very proficient photographer and publicist. ‘The Bear’ Wetherspoon in the High Street was our party HQ, and did we need it, it rained every day. We left here at 12 midnight and made our way to the count. All the usual camera’s flashing as we made our entrance. A lot of the same adulation “glad you’re here, it wouldn’t be an election with the Loony’s”
Wandering around meeting all the usual faces and media guys and gals, good banter, good fun. And of course ‘Lord Buckethead, and I had a lot to say to each other. I suspect that he not the original L B, when I asked him if he was the same L B who stood against Margaret Thatcher and John Major, all I got was “I am Lord Buckethead”, when my question needed a yes or no, but then again a typical politician I suppose, but I doubt that he is ! He caused quite a stir, but we handled each other pretty well. When we rule the ‘Looniverse’ he is the minister of Intergalactical Affairs.
The big moment arrives, in comes the ‘Lady in Red’ would you believe, yes Red, not Blue. Another big mistake she made, apart from calling a General Election and walking away with less seats than she had to start with. On watching this Mr Corbyn must have been laughing all the way to his bed time. She was rushed, no time for cameras or any other media. Reporters were shouting “Prime Minister, Prime Minister, are you going to resign”, which didn’t add too her esteem at all. Candidates were called to the stage for the final countdown, this is when I can assure you that I was the only other candidate that she spoke to. I gave her one of our badges with her face on, with a balloon saying ‘Vote Loony’, she declined at first but I insisted, “take it, its for you” when she saw that it was only a badge she took it, smiled, showed her ‘minder’ and handed it back to me. Once again “no its yours” upon which she remarked, but I have no pockets ! ! ! Upon which I remarked “ok I’ll post it to you “. Her final words with a wry smile were “ok if you must”. After her speech she was whisked even quicker through the back door, once again leaving the Cameras, TVs, reporters all stranded.I did notice a tear in her eye, a very disconcerted woman.
Getting back to the results of the evening, as I said earlier, I got 119 votes, and thinking of the Daily Politics show when Andrew Neale said if “I got to many votes it would put my party leadership in jeopardy” I thought I’m ok here after watching some of our other amazing results come in, what a great accolade for our leader to come last. But it was not to be, Nigel Knapp who stood against Jeremy Corbyn in Islington North, beat me to the post with 106, 13 votes less than me. Well done Nigel, and well done to you all, what a great effort at such short notice. The Belle of the Ball title goes to Ann Kelly, the Mid Bed Minx she polled 667, the bottle of Champagne is hers, and in all fairness a pint of beer for Nigel, to be claimed at this years conference in Blackpool !   —   3,890 votes in all, once again, you all be proud of yourselves, as we are all proud of each other ! !

The Howling ‘Laud’

If you as a candidate have any stories to tell about your experiences with photo’s, send them in, its all very good for the history and the archives of our Illustrious Party.

This coming Friday 16th June, please spare a thought for our  dearly departed Spiritual Leader, ‘Screaming Lord Sutch’. It will be 18 years ago that he left us. I know its an annual ritual for some to visit him in Pinner Cemetary, if you go along I’m sure you will meet other like minded people.